The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The details:

• 52% cotton, 48% poly fleece 
• Super soft fleece, with side pockets and drawstring waistband.
• The #1 Dad is 5’11”, 180 lbs, and wearing a size M. He’s proficient in magic and turkey calling, and can bass fish like nobody’s business.

S : 30" (waist, relaxed) 28" (inseam) 
M: 34" (waist, relaxed) 28.25" (inseam)  
L: 37" (waist, relaxed) 28.75" (inseam)  
XL: 40" (waist, relaxed) 28.75" (inseam) 
2XL: 43" (waist, relaxed) 28.75" (inseam)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• The #1 Dad is 5’11”, 180 lbs, and wearing a size M. He’s proficient in magic and turkey calling, and can bass fish like nobody’s business.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 
3XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 28" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The details:

• 100% cotton jersey
• Relaxed fit
• The #1 Dad is 5’11”, 180 lbs, and wearing a size M. He’s proficient in magic and turkey calling, and can bass fish like nobody’s business.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 18" (chest)
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20" (chest)
L: 31" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest)
XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest)
2XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest)  

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The details:

• One size fits all
• Adjustable snapback closure
• Mesh side panels, with 100% cotton contrast front panel100% cotton fleece
• Structured mid profile

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.

The details:

• 80% cotton, 20% poly 
• Midweight soft fleece
• Roomy fit, size down one for standard fit
• The #1 Dad is 5’11”, 180 lbs, and wearing a size S. He’s proficient in magic and turkey calling, and can bass fish like nobody’s business.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 20" (chest)
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest)
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest)
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest)
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 27" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Spoiler alert: It’s never not going to be zero.

The details:

• Buckle clasp
• One size fits most
• Laundered chino twill

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Spoiler alert: It’s never not going to be zero.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit

• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

S : 27.5" (length from shoulder) 18.25" (chest)
M: 28.5" (length from shoulder) 19.75" (chest)
L: 29.5" (length from shoulder) 21.25" (chest)
XL: 30.5" (length from shoulder) 22.75" (chest)
2XL: 31.5" (length from shoulder) 24.75" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What: 

Commemorate the ultimate dumpster fire of a year by burning something. (The candles, we mean.)

Wear:

• 4 of our Scary Mommy candles saying how we all feel in 2020. All in Zen AF because that is what we need in 2020

1. 2020 oh look it is on fire candle
2. This is 'My Pretending Everything is Fine' candle
3. I Just Need Something to Burn candle
4. My Last Fuck candle 

• 13.75 oz each
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time each
• Hand Poured in the USA

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Oh, look, it’s on fire- Commemorate the worst year ever by lighting it on fire! Watch it slowly burn down as we limp toward the finish line. 2020 may be a dumpster fire but your house doesn’t have to smell like one.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

It was a simpler time. Plumbers were heroes. Dragons were villains. Ducks were hunted. Tecmos were bowled. Our bits weren’t even in double digits yet! Moral of the story? Sometimes less is more.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit

• Nick is 6’0”, 195 lbs, and wearing a size L. His dad’s favorite bedtime song was “If you’re happy and you know it...keep it to yourself and let me sleep.”

S : 27.5" (length from shoulder) 18.25" (chest)
M: 28.5" (length from shoulder) 19.75" (chest)
L: 29.5" (length from shoulder) 21.25" (chest)
XL: 30.5" (length from shoulder) 22.75" (chest)
2XL: 31.5" (length from shoulder) 24.75" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The details:

• Collection of 10 different Dad themed vinyl stickers
• ~3 inch 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

what:

Who says stickers are just for kids and VSCO girls? Put these die-cut stickers wherever you want to leave your mark, who's gonna stop you?

The details:

• Collection of 10 different Dad themed vinyl stickers
• ~3 inch 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

It feels like maybe my number should be higher, tbh. I’m not sure if I’m pleasantly surprised, or feel like I need to pick up the pace a bit.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Matt is 6’1”, 197 lbs, and wearing a size L. He won his middle school talent show, hula hooping to Hanson’s MMMBop. (Pics or it didn’t happen.)

S : 27.5" (length from shoulder) 18.25" (chest)
M: 28.5" (length from shoulder) 19.75" (chest)
L: 29.5" (length from shoulder) 21.25" (chest)
XL: 30.5" (length from shoulder) 22.75" (chest)
2XL: 31.5" (length from shoulder) 24.75" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

The cup says it all, really. You better watch out if you see me sippin' from this bad boy.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What: 

The holidays are stressful, cold, expensive, and bursting withh festive famlly fighting. Sometimes you just need to say "f*ck it all."

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Spiced Holiday Stress (Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
2. Festive AF (Celebratory Notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
3. Festive, My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
4. Evergreen Trees and Sanity Please (Evergreen Forest with notes of Balsam Fir, Eucalyptus, & Mistletoe Leaves)
5. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

Do you suffer from par-ent-ing? Headaches, chronic fatigue, and Moana on repeat? You may need AphukenbrakE.

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest)
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest)
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest)
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest)
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Mask orders start shipping 15-20 business days after your order has been placed. Please also keep in mind that your ENTIRE order will ship at once — only after the pre-order items are ready to go.

What:

I’m not saying I was the original social distancer, but I might’ve been. Shout out to my fellow introverts who were already pros at hiding from an acquaintance in a grocery store, even before all this.

Wear:

• Two layer mask:  first layer is made of Polyester Microfiber fabric (similar to a 300-thread count bedsheet), with a second inner layer made of Polyester/Cotton blend fabric
• Inner pocket where you can insert a separate filter (not included)
• Face mask also includes an additional rubber adjuster for the elastic ear loops.  This adjuster slides to make the ear loops larger or smaller for an extra snug fit. 
• Comes in two sizes:

1. Medium: 8"W X 5"H with 8.5" ear loops. Suggested for adult female
2. Large: 9"W X 5.5"H with 9.5" ear loops. Suggested for adult males

• Imported

What:

It happened again, I'm back on my bullshit. Consider this a warning.

Wear:

• 20 oz acrylic tumbler
• Comes with straw
• Hand wash recommended
• Do not microwave

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

The details:

• 80% cotton, 20% poly
• Midweight soft fleece
• Roomy fit, size down for a standard fit
• Dave is 6’0”, 205 lbs, and wearing a size M. He once jumped off a dock even though he can't swim. He was pier pressured.

S : 27.5" (length from shoulder) 18.25" (chest)
M: 28.5" (length from shoulder) 19.75" (chest)
L: 29.5" (length from shoulder) 21.25" (chest)
XL: 30.5" (length from shoulder) 22.75" (chest)
2XL: 31.5" (length from shoulder) 24.75" (chest)
3XL: 32.5" (length from shoulder) 26.75" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

It's the ultimate dad mic drop. 

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and also does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 
3XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 28" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

I love it when they call me big poppa. On a totally unrelated note, no one ever calls me big poppa.

Don't forget the other half of the joke.

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest)
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest)
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest)
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest)
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest)
3XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 28" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

From Oakland to Sactown...the Bay Area and back down. Cali is where dads put they mack down. Give me love!

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Christian is 6’1”, 240 lbs, and wearing a size XL. 

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What:

A rage-coloring book JUST for burnt-out moms who need to vent. Go to your happy place, steal some of your kid's markers and color a world free of kids and full of swears.

Wear:

• 36 coloring pages
• Coloring pages have black backing to avoid any bleeding
• 8.5" x 11"
• Perforated sheets so you can tear out and hang up your masterpieces

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

I'm never that late, and I remember to pick up all the kids I'm supposed to like 94% of the time. What more do these people want from me?

Wear:

• 100% thick gauge brass, handstamped
• Disc measures 1.25" in diameter and is shiny and light

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when we dropped off Jackson at soccer? Or Caleb at swimming? Wait...you're Caleb? Who the hell did I just drop off? 

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• John is 5'6", 150 lbs, and wearing a size M. He has not hit a shot on the office basketball hoop in over three months.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 
3XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 28" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

I mean, come on! Am I paying to cool the whole neighborhood this summer?

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Dave is 6’0”, 205 lbs, and wearing a size L. He once jumped off a dock even though he can't swim. He was pier pressured.

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Upload your own picture to create your own one-of-a-kind tee, or a great group gift for family & friends.

The design:

Whether it's an awkward family photo or a memorable moment you want to  share with the world, customizing your own t-shirt is a fun way to wear your heart (or your art) on your sleeve.

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• John is 5'6", 150 lbs, and wearing a size M. 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Filled with adorable illustrations and hilarious dad-isms, this book is the perfect gift for new dads (and longtime dads) who'll wind up reading it even when the kids aren't around.

It's the perfect way to wind your little ones down for bedtime (hahaha...yeah, right) and give them a glimpse into the mind of their favorite big guy.

The details:

• 8" X 8"
• 27 pages
• Hardcover, full color, sewn binding
• Written by Dave Campanaro, Ally Probst, and Joel Willis. Illustrated by Daniela Sosa

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Always Funny, right? Adequately Fit? Adept at Fashion?

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Adam is 5'9", 170 lbs, and wearing a size M. He may or may not be the only vegetarian in the world who hates avocados.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Do you even lift, bro? Um, yeah. Between chucking the kids in the air, lugging the garbage out, doing nightly 12 oz curls, and sitting up every time someone calls my name, I’m never NOT working out. Bro.

The details:

• 100% Polyester
• Champion script logo at center back neck. 50+ UPF protection. 
• Cover-seamed armholes and neck for durability
• Smooth self-fabric collar. Reflective "C" logo on left sleeve
• Double-needle stitched cuffs and bottom hem. Moisture wicking, rapid dry interlock fabric
• Rob is 5’7”, 175 lbs, and wearing a size L. He hosts Paternity Leave with Rob King, and does a spot-on Will Smith impression.

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Oh look, there goes all the heat out the door you left open. And oh hey, my hard-earned money's going with it! Guess who’s not getting a new bike this year.

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Adam is 5'9", 170 lbs, and wearing a size M. He may or may not be the only vegetarian in the world who hates avocados.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

One more word outta you and I’m gonna...probably just keep driving, because I already put in for the PTO days.

The details:

• 100% combed ring-spun cotton
• Soft, relaxed fit
• Gary is 6’2”, 180 lbs, and wearing a size L. He can rapidly flare his nostrils without moving the rest of his face, and is often mistaken for The Rock.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 
3XL: 33" (length from shoulder) 28" (chest)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The design:

Turn the lights off when you leave the room! Turn the TV off as soon as the credits start rolling! And why is this phone charger still plugged into the wall when there is clearly no phone charging?!?!

The details:

• Tri-blend: 50% poly, 25% cotton, 25% rayon
• Super soft, comfy fit
• Runs slightly small, size up for a more relaxed fit
• Dave is 6’0”, 205 lbs, and wearing a size L. He once jumped off a dock even though he can't swim. He was pier pressured.

S : 28" (length from shoulder) 19" (chest) 
M: 29" (length from shoulder) 20.5" (chest) 
L: 30" (length from shoulder) 22" (chest) 
XL: 31" (length from shoulder) 24" (chest) 
2XL: 32" (length from shoulder) 26" (chest) 

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal