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Every day is Father's Day with this hilarious 365-day calendar, compiling all the things dads love—and all the things we love about them. Tear away a page every day to reveal a funny new dad-ism. If you are a dad, have a dad, or know a dad, you've heard (and likely rolled your eyes at) these sayings.

Dads love a good joke, a bad pun, and spreading a little bit of wisdom. So give him the perfect gift and make his day, every day. The average dad regularly uses 3 out of 4 of these dad-isms. How dad are you? 

The details:

• 5.25" X 4.25"
• 313 hilarious tear-away days (from 01/01/21 to 12/31/21)
• Comes with attached plastic stand

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Finally, the unwritten rules of dadhood have been, well, written. When a kid says they're hungry? You MUST say "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad." If you drive into a new town, you MUST comment on the prices of gas. Door open? You MUST ask if the kids were raised in a barn. It's not a choice. It's a law — a Dad Law. For thousands of years, and for thousands to come, these are the rules. And now they're finally all in one place.

The details:

• "4.87 x 7.12" 
  
• ~202 pages
• Faux leather cover
• Black/White text
• Written by Ally Probst, and Joel Willis.

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

The Dad Book is unlike any parenting book you’ve ever read. It may not contain any useful parenting advice, but it’s the perfect book for a dad who likes to laugh. Packed with popular jokes from The Dad and new never-before-seen content, but (almost) small enough to fit in your cargo shorts. Includes funny insights into life with kids, ill-advised parenting hacks, and classic dad phrases we call dad-isms. A must-have for everyone living life in The Dad Club, and as satisfying as the first mow of spring.

The details:

• ~200 pages
• Softcover

• Full color

• 6.5"x 6.5"

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

what:

I thought I had a few left to give. I could have sworn I saw them the other day, when my kids were climbing on me during a Zoom call. Or maybe they were somewhere in that pile of toys in the corner. (Or is that laundry? Who can tell anymore?) But nope, it turns out there was only one, single, solitary f*ck that I had left to give. And now it's on fire, so I'm all out. Gotta say, though — it smells lovely.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry  (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. Fall My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What:

Leave a professional note for your marital co-worker with this official paperwork. Generic form-letters to cover all the little daily communications between spouses, because what could be more romantic than someone filling in the blanks for you?

Wear:

• Five 40 sheet notepads
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Bad moods happen, but don't say I didn't try to warn you. Use this official form to let the family know when to steer clear, for their own safety.

Wear:

• 40 Notice of Appreciation sheets
  
• 4.25" x 5.5"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Do you ever mention something to your spouse only to hear them say, "What? You never told me that!" Now you can pull out the evidence. No more arguments because it's all on the record.

Wear:

• 40 Official Evidence sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

What could be more romantic than filling in the blanks on a form letter? Wow your partner with your thoughtfulness and efficiency, and hold on to this document for your records as evidence that you made an effort.

Wear:

• 40 Official Evidence sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

Love notes are overrated, now you can officially recognize your partner as Spouse Of The Month with a generic form-letter! The competition was not fierce but still, they should be thrilled to receive this great honor.

Wear:

• 40 Notice of Appreciation sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

I don't always apologize, but when I do it's important to document it for posterity. Here's proof that I'm at least theoretically partially sorry for whatever I did (or didn't do.)

Wear:

• 40 Formal Apology sheets
  
• 4.5" x 5.75"
• Magnetic Backing

Why:

• FREE RETURNS

What:

After all these years and all the sh*t you've been through, you still like each other? It defies all logic! But it's pretty damn cool.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 8 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
6. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
8. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

You don't need some bullsh*t holiday to know that you love each other, but a little reminder never hurts. Especially when it smells this good.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Sure the house is a mess and everything is chaos but look, a pretty candle. Romantic right? Maybe this is the best you can do right now and honestly, it's the romantic thought that counts.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 8 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
6. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
8. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

It's that "special" time of day when you can finally have a moment free of the kids to reconnect as a couple...or just fall asleep on the couch watching Netflix.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
5. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

A rage-coloring book JUST for burnt-out moms who need to vent. Go to your happy place, steal some of your kid's markers and color a world free of kids and full of swears.

Wear:

• 36 coloring pages
• Coloring pages have black backing to avoid any bleeding
• 8.5" x 11"
• Perforated sheets so you can tear out and hang up your masterpieces

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

The design:

The receding hairline. The proceeding waistline. The jokes on the borderline. Yup, wifey hit ol' jackpot with this guy, alright. Lucky lady.

The details:

• Premium hard-coated ceramic
• 15 oz
• Dishwasher safe

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

via GIPHY

Lighting a match is fine and all, but why not grace the next one in with something a little better? Light up one of these dad-scented candles for a result that's more classy than just covering up:

The details:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Dad Scents

1. Dad’s Early Morning Mow (Smells like the best lawn on the block)
2. Fire Up The Grill (Smells like a neighborhood cookout)
3. Dad Shoe (Smells like fresh kicks straight out of the box)
4. Saturday Morning Pancakes (Smells syrupy and unburnt)
5. Clean Cargo Shorts (Smells like fresh laundry)

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Filled with adorable illustrations and hilarious dad-isms, this book is the perfect gift for new dads (and longtime dads) who'll wind up reading it even when the kids aren't around.

It's the perfect way to wind your little ones down for bedtime (hahaha...yeah, right) and give them a glimpse into the mind of their favorite big guy.

The details:

• 8" X 8"
• 27 pages
• Hardcover, full color, sewn binding
• Written by Dave Campanaro, Ally Probst, and Joel Willis. Illustrated by Daniela Sosa

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

They're the staple of every dad's uniform — the clean white sneakers that are so uncool they couldn't possibly be cooler. Sure, they wind up getting a little greener with every mow, and have had some meat and beer splatter on them from time to time. But there's a moment — the moment — when they first come out of the box, when all is perfect with the world, and you know you've found your sole mate. And that's exactly what you'll smell every time you light this baby up. A candle that recreates dad's favorite smells just makes scents.

The details:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Scent Notes: New Leather

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

Never be caught scrambling to get a card at the last second ever again. You’re now prepared for that moment when you realize “THAT is TODAY?” 

With this pack, every card is perfect for every occasion.

Nothing says "heartfelt" like checking the right boxes from a diverse list of options. Seriously, if you didn't care, would you have taken the time to mark off the option that's the closest approximation to the occasion you're pretty sure is happening? We don't think so.

The details:

• Pack of 12 greeting cards with envelopes
• Card dimensions: 4.25" x 5.5"

• Greeting Card Occasions: 4 holiday, 4 congratulations, and 4 apology cards

The delight:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE high fives from other dudes who know the deal

What: 

Official holiday announcement: I'm all out of f*cks to give. I've thrown all my holiday stress into the fire and now I'm just basking in the glow of not caring.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Spiced Holiday Stress (Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
2. Festive AF (Celebratory Notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
3. Festive, My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
4. Evergreen Trees and Sanity Please (Evergreen Forest with notes of Balsam Fir, Eucalyptus, & Mistletoe Leaves)
5. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What: 

The holidays are stressful, cold, expensive, and bursting withh festive famlly fighting. Sometimes you just need to say "f*ck it all."

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Spiced Holiday Stress (Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
2. Festive AF (Celebratory Notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
3. Festive, My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
4. Evergreen Trees and Sanity Please (Evergreen Forest with notes of Balsam Fir, Eucalyptus, & Mistletoe Leaves)
5. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Think of this warm, flickering flame as a soothing, beautifully-scented way of me saying "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I need a break. If the light is on, I'm off. Get it?

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Shipping: Ship times quoted in checkout are estimates of time in transit after your product leaves the fulfillment center. Some items in your order may ship separately to arrive faster.

What: 

I'd love to have a silent night but that hasn't happened since I had kids. We're not really an "all is calm" kind of family. Lighting this candle sends a secret message that it's time to zip it for a while.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Spiced Holiday Stress (Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
2. Festive AF (Celebratory Notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
3. Festive, My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
4. Evergreen Trees and Sanity Please (Evergreen Forest with notes of Balsam Fir, Eucalyptus, & Mistletoe Leaves)
5. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Oh, look, it’s on fire- Commemorate the worst year ever by lighting it on fire! Watch it slowly burn down as we limp toward the finish line. 2020 may be a dumpster fire but your house doesn’t have to smell like one.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Pumpkin Spice Up Your Lives (Spiced pumpkin with notes of Vanilla, Cinnamon, & Baked Crust)
5. A Forced Family Outing to An Apple Orchard (Brandied Apples with notes of Apple, Clove, and Brandy)
6. My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
7. Autumn Leaves and Sanity Please (Woodland Escape notes Lemon, Cedarwood, Fir Balsam, and Vanilla)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

Due to shipping delays, we believe only recipients in the following states may NOT receive their orders by 12/24: 

AK AZ CA CO HI ID MT ND NE NM NV OR PR SD UT WA WY

What: 

It's the most wonderful time of the year? Tell that to my kids who won't stop complaining. The real Christmas miracle will be me surviving the next few weeks.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 5 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. Spiced Holiday Stress (Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)
2. Festive AF (Celebratory Notes of Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
3. Festive, My Second Favorite F Word (Spiced Blood Orange with notes of Cassis, Brazilian Orange, and Cedar)
4. Evergreen Trees and Sanity Please (Evergreen Forest with notes of Balsam Fir, Eucalyptus, & Mistletoe Leaves)
5. Shit, It's Cold (Winter Breeze with notes of Peppermint, Mountain Cypress, & Mint Leaves)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Moms love having a stash of cards to whip out at a moment’s notice, because running back to the store (she already went twice this week) means derailing a whole afternoon. This pack has all the cards she needs for the people who want to hear from the real her: hilarious thank you cards for everyone, mom-friends, and teachers No more cheesy cards from the grocery store, just real sentiments, real funny. Just under $25, this set of 12 funny thank you cards will make a perfect touch to any Mother’s (or any!) Day Gift.

Wear:

• Pack of 12 greeting cards with envelopes
• 4.25" x 5.5"
• Greeting Card occasions: 4 Thank You, 2, Teacher appreciation, 5 friendship , & 1 encouragement

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real

What:

Don’t mind me, I’m just going to ignore the fact that everything is chaos all around me and focus on this calming scented candle. I’m fine, this is all fine, we’ll all be fine.

Wear:

• 13.75 oz
• All Natural Soy Wax Blend
• 60-80 hour burn time
• Hand Poured in the USA
• Available in 7 custom Scary Mommy Scents

1. The Next-Best-Thing to Clean Laundry   (Warm Cotton)
2. Go-Ask-Your-Dad Vanilla (Vanilla Teakwood)
3. Zen AF (Calming Lavender)
4. Mimosa & Chill (Mandarin, Lemon Flower, Magnolia)
5. Leaving The Christmas Decorations Up Until Spring (Clove, Cedar, Amber, & Patchouli)
6. Flowers, My Second Favorite F Word (Peony, Bergamot, Jasmine Noir)
7. Cinnamon and Settle-Down Now(Cinnamon with notes of Citron, Brown Sugar, & Nutmeg)

Why:

• FREE RETURNS
• FREE compliments and nods of approval from other moms who know the struggle is real