Cheers to everything you need to consume like an Official Dad.
My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.
Spoiler alert: It’s never not going to be zero.
Do you suffer from par-ent-ing? Headaches, chronic fatigue, and Moana on repeat? You may need AphukenbrakE.
The humerus bone, obviously.
When these lines get lower, my lines get better. (To me, anyway.)
Orders placed on 6/10 or later will NOT arrive in time for Father's Day.
Say it fast. Faster. Faster. Heh. Gets 'em every time. Eye yam sofa king funny. (And so f*cking dad.)
I'm not like a regular dad. I'm a cool dad...with even cooler beverages.
Gotta keep the ol' beverage (almost) as cool as I am.
A logo? Nah. It's a badge of honor. Being a dad never looked so good.
The receding hairline. The proceeding waistline. The jokes on the borderline. Yup, wifey hit ol' jackpot with this guy, alright. Lucky lady.
I know stuff. All the stuff, in fact. They teach us everything we need to know in Dad School, so I'm kiiiiiind of an expert. Just saying.