Cheers to everything you need to consume like an Official Dad.
When these lines get lower, my lines get better. (To me, anyway.)
The receding hairline. The proceeding waistline. The jokes on the borderline. Yup, wifey hit ol' jackpot with this guy, alright. Lucky lady.
A logo? Nah. It's a badge of honor. Being a dad never looked so good.
Do you suffer from par-ent-ing? Headaches, chronic fatigue, and Moana on repeat? You may need AphukenbrakE.
Spoiler alert: It’s never not going to be zero.
My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.
The humerus bone, obviously.
Orders placed on 6/10 or later will NOT arrive in time for Father's Day.
Say it fast. Faster. Faster. Heh. Gets 'em every time. Eye yam sofa king funny. (And so f*cking dad.)
I know stuff. All the stuff, in fact. They teach us everything we need to know in Dad School, so I'm kiiiiiind of an expert. Just saying.
Gotta keep the ol' beverage (almost) as cool as I am.
I'm not like a regular dad. I'm a cool dad...with even cooler beverages.