Cheers to everything you need to consume like an Official Dad.
My dad is stronger, faster, cooler, and can throw things way farther than yours. He's #1. It's just a scientific fact.
Do you suffer from par-ent-ing? Headaches, chronic fatigue, and Moana on repeat? You may need AphukenbrakE.
The humerus bone, obviously.
Uh-oh, we're running low but refills are on the way. Orders placed today will ship on Tuesday, April 9th.
When these lines get lower, my lines get better. (To me, anyway.)
Say it fast. Faster. Faster. Heh. Gets 'em every time. Eye yam sofa king funny. (And so f*cking dad.)
A logo? Nah. It's a badge of honor. Being a dad never looked so good.
The receding hairline. The proceeding waistline. The jokes on the borderline. Yup, wifey hit ol' jackpot with this guy, alright. Lucky lady.
I know stuff. All the stuff, in fact. They teach us everything we need to know in Dad School, so I'm kiiiiiind of an expert. Just saying.